Faith

It seems like forever since I have visited my original blog. But my good buddy Cole has shamed me; he already has something like 30 posts in 2009. Granted they had a baby, but still! By the way Cole, the answer is Yes, Brandon and I do have an alibi. We were with our other good friend Saylor Jerry. Anyway, I’ve been busy blogging about something more important, but I miss the unfiltered words I have been able to share here. It’s time I get back to my roots.

I thought I would take the opportunity to discuss something a little closer to home than would be typical for me. Yes, I know your probably thinking what could be more “closer to home” than one of my original post, “Peter, Peter Cottontail”, which continues to be close to my heart and unsettled. However, I purposely have avoided having deep conversations on a couple of topics. As my good friend Cole points out, politics is one area. Yes Cole, we have apparently avoided any subject of substance over the years. While I disagree with your views at times, may we continue to live in ignorant bliss? As you stated, “We’ll agree to disagree, no matter how stupid your political views.” However, I must set the record straight, I do not have an irrational hatred for Sarah Palin. In fact, I find her fascinating and I look forward to the day when she poses in Maxim magazine or perhaps Playboy?

The other area that I tend to not discuss much is religion. Not because I am ashamed of my belief, but more because I feel it is a sacred, private relationship between the Lord and me.

Well… the past month hasn’t been easy on my family and I thought I would use this forum to discuss something that hits home. Faith.

If you haven’t been in the loop on things, this is a recap of our month. On January 4th, my niece Taylor went to the hospital and has been in critical condition fighting for her life. Within a week, Jaime’s Grandma was taken to the hospital in CR to have an emergency surgery in which they told her plain out, she might not wake up from (She is doing great now). During the middle of the month, Jaime’s dad had to go to the hospital for an angioplasty, which resulted in 2 stints being placed in his heart. On Monday, Jaime’s great Aunt Nadine, passed away after a long battle with cancer. She was a remarkable woman who was like another grandma to Jaime.

Which brings me to my main subject. Faith. This has been a topic that has been weighing on my mind for the past month. I don’t know how many times over the years that I have confessed my faith in God. However, it’s easy to confess faith, but how do you live your life? The main thought that continues to float in my mind is this; I’m a believer, but how often does my faith sit on the sidelines until I need it? It’s like when Jesus was born… We don’t have room in the Inn, but you may stay in the manger. Off to the side, waiting. I’m afraid to say my faith at times has been the same. I believe in you, but could you stay over in that corner until I really need you? It hurts to say, but how many of us have led our lives that way. We believe in Christ, but we place him off to the side while we live our lives? We may pray every night, but we really don’t rely on our faith until we need God to do something for us? When I really think about it, the first time I recall this feeling was when my grandfather had a brain aneurism. I was in 6th grade and we were in MN on a ski trip. I remember cutting our ski trip short and driving to Omaha that night. I have always admired my grandpa, and not knowing if he would live, I prayed for Grandpa’s life. In my childish nature I vowed to give up video game if he would live. A vow I believe I failed that very weekend while we where still in Omaha. I am so week. When I found out about Taylor, I have continuously tried to show a strong front. But one night I found myself driving home from work thinking of Taylor… I was sobbing… and pleading with the Lord to take my life and spare her life. If I were to crash, could I argue in person… please spare her… I realize the Lord doesn’t work that way, but it is such a helpless feeling to know that such an innocent child is literally at heavens gate waiting to see if she will enter, or return to those that love her.

When I really examine my life to this point, I feel like I have had a strong relationship with Christ. I may struggle with the organized culture of “church” at times, but I have always believed my personal relationship with God has been strong. Then I sat here while baby Taylor fought to stay alive. And people all over the world were praying for her, posting comments on her blog, sending bible versus I struggled to find on my own. People we have never known, never will meet. And I realized… my faith in Jesus Christ is strong, but I continue to place him off to the side. Sitting in a corner of my life waiting for when I need to call upon, waiting to deliver a miracle. It saddens me, and I strive to make him a central part of my life. You may be reading this and say God is a central part of your life, but when you think about it… Is He a central part, or is he sitting in the corner waiting for you to call upon him in your time of need?

It’s really hard to sit here and think of the grand plan that the Lord has for Taylor. But I read all the comments left on her blog and I can’t help to think how she has strengthened our faith and united complete strangers. When I was in North Carolina, Jeff made a comment to me about how he will never go another day without praying over his children. What a great lesson, but why do we wait so long? I cherish each of you. I thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for standing up and raising my family to the Lord. Thank you, for you… God Bless.