Friday, April 18, 2008

Peter Peter Cottontail

I never really realized how difficult it would be to determine what thought provoking content I would want to discuss in my first real blog post. I could discuss my relationship with my wife, which is always entertaining. Or how about an affectionate tale about the kids? I suppose Jaime will fill this blog with nothing but news and pictures of our kids, so I will leave that up to her. I guess there is one topic that is very dear to me that has been on my mind a lot lately. My Penis.

Yes, you read that correctly, my Penis!

You see, The Wife and I have decided that two beautiful and wonderful kids are enough to fill our heart with happiness for the rest of our lives. So, yes we are done having children. The only problem is that Jaime comes from a family that gets pregnant just from drinking out of the same cup. So we need to do something to make sure we are done having children.

Apparently, there are only two humane options to do this. Jaime could get her tubes tied or I could get my wingding snipped (rumor is this can increase your likelihood of getting prostate cancer). Obviously, I vote for Jaime to get her tubes tied. If you think about it, she has gone through the excruciating pain of childbirth twice, she is tough enough to handle major surgery. Jaime has other thoughts though.

At Jaime’s last yearly 55-point inspection she asked the FEMALE doctor about the prostate cancer risk. Apparently that is a myth, or at least that is what her FEMALE doctor said.

So… It looks like I am going to lose this argument and have to face the knife. Which turns out really bothers me.

Jaime, on the other hand, seems to enjoy the notion and is dying to setup an appointment. Where is her empathy for the thing that has brought her so much joy over the years?

I’ve tried to discuss my concerns with her, but she is consumed with delight that I will be getting snipped. So I guess I will air my concerns here. I’m only 31 years old, isn’t that a little young to get your balls cut off? I mean what if my next wife wants to have children? (That’s a joke honey). OK, I guess my real concern is this… It’s not a huge surface to work on down there, if you know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not small by any means, I’d say I’m modestly equipped. But, what if the doctor misses? Or slips? Or doesn’t put things to sleep correctly? What if my Peter gets turned into a cottontail?

Please pray for me.

Also, I started a poll to the left for who should get fixed. Please vote for Jaime!!!

6 comments:

The Stinsons said...

Oh my gosh, Timmy..I'm so glad you finally have a blog! You make me laugh...you should get snipped though, it's the least you can do considering what Jaime has been through. I think you may be bitching to the wrong crowd here, friend!! love you guys!! suni

jenni said...

Love the blog!! So happy you started one!! you make me laugh and I know will always be entertaining!! Gotta vote for you to get fixed, much more of a simple procedure. Be a man!!

Anonymous said...

I voted for Tim, Jamie has done her part! Snip, Snip. . .step up, buddy, be a MAN. . .Be sure you have a doctor that has not been up all night!

Anonymous said...

Tim, Honey I voted for Jamie, I also have done some research on this.....they say it will quiet her down!

tw said...

Jonnie - Your support always means the world to me! tw

Sarah Brecht said...

That is too funny and I totally agree with Jaime! I almost laughed myself off the chair! If there are any side-effects don't tell Roger, he will be next in line in a few years! Got to get a few more kids out of him first :)Good luck and I hope it doesn't get turned into a cotton tail...